seiriald | Appointments Post

... But that's like me telling you the same, isn't it? [It wasn't that she doubted him, but did he honestly think that asking her not to worry about him would produce any results? If anything it only gave her that much more reason to worry.]

I know..... I guess words do not really solve that kind of thing. [His expression drops a bit.]

Edited 2012-02-25 08:45 (UTC)

[Words may not be able to help much for this, but actions certainly could. It's why she finds herself clinging to him again, attempting to say that... she at least trusted him enough to do his best to ever avoid that situation. And if it ever did come to that, she would be his shield.

Frey was no ordinary Human, and those Humans like him were always the first to suffer for their kindness. For that reason she would always protect him, promise or no promise.]

[he didn't want Kaori to be his shield, honestly. That was the last thing he wanted of anyone he cared for, though he knew it was unavoidable back home.

He allows the clinging, once more hugging her. She would tell him what she wanted when she was ready.]

[It'll be another long while before she decides to speak again, albeit with fewer tears this time. There had already been too many spilled tonight as a result of her selfishness.]

Freyjadour...?

Yes, Kaori......? [He would prefer she shed none at all, really. The knowledge that he had caused those tears to appear was upsetting, but he quietly locked that feeling away.]

I... [She chews on her lip softly, debating over whether or not the share the following piece of information with him. It had crossed her mind before, but she hadn't thought much about it. It had always seemed so impossible that there would be a reason to believe the words her keeper had relayed to her when she had first become blind, and she hadn't remembered the exact conditions either.

But... there were some days when she could have sworn that the darkness wasn't as thick as it was supposed to be. Was it wrong to hope?] ... There's a way for me to see again, someday...

[His eyes widen a bit, as he tries to wrap his head around the idea..... Her blindness can be.... cured.....?

He knew it wasn't a problem she had from birth.... she had been able to see when the Malnosso had made her younger. But to be able to restore her sight.....?

It was like the potential for a miracle.] How.....?

[From here on, she doesn't know how to explain it. Though to be more accurate, it would be frightening to. After all, she had done terrible enough things to warrant this curse in the first place, and the more memories that returned to her... the less she wanted to know.

Words are failing her, like they often had before in her life. If only there were a way she could explain this to him without having to resort to them, but for the time being they are her only allies, and even more so her enemies.]

... I have to believe again... That there are more Humans like you. That... [She could one day force down her hatred for all the ugly things they had done to her and the people she had loved.] I have to forgive them and love them for all the things they've done anyway, like when I was little and didn't know any better. Do you know how hard that is when all I remember from them is red blood and hate? That's from what I do remember.

[There's a long pause as he absorbs her words, trying to grasp the magnitude of what she would have to do.

He wasn't foolish. He knew that kind of pain made trust difficult. The kind of cruelty she had hinted her world treated people like her with.... it was sickening. Horrifying. If he had any choice in the matter, he had long ago decided he had wanted to take her home with him, rather then let her return to such a place.

But....]

I understand, to a degree. I don't know what it was like for you, so i cannot say I understand completely but... Such an act... to forgive such things.... it is difficult.

But I don't think it beyond you. You are a person who deserves happiness, and I think maybe, if you let the past rest, forgive but not forget... I think maybe you could be happier, here. It doesn't make what they did right, certainly. It never will. but not every human is cruel like those of your world, either. Especially in a place like Luceti.

[He's not sure if his words will help, or simply sound childish... but that is what he feels.]

[At the very least he understood how nearly impossible it was to reach those requirements, and why she may have never mentioned it before. But hearing that she was someone who deserved happiness... that was something new, at least from a Human. She may not be able to argue that life in Luceti was 'easier' than back home, what use would it be if she forgot it all when she returned? It would be back to the exact same way it had been before she was brought here.]

... It can also get worse... beyond blindness...

[Something cold settles in his stomach at the statement that it can get worse.

How much worse? A loss of another sense? More memories? or....] .....What do you mean?

I'm not sure... [From what she had been told, it could vary greatly from person to person, but to be cursed in such a way was so rare... And in the end, they all wound up in the same state.]

... I could lose my voice next, or use of my legs... Everything will go away until I'm not aware anymore, or something like that.

[That coldness in his stomach-dread, he realizes- grows at how casually she speaks of such a thing.

She was implying something like death, wasn't she? No, worse... a living death, one without awareness of the world around you. It was one of those moments she'd managed to terrify him. no, not Kaori. Her circumstances. He was scared for her, not of her.]

Are you telling me that if you lose trust in humans more then you already have, that this kind of thing can happen?

That's what will happen. [It wasn't even a question of 'if,' said with absolute certainty. Seirou had never lied to her after all, and she had been through the Sorrows herself before. She knew exactly what would become of her if that hate continued.]

Isn't there any way to stop it? [His voice is slightly strained with emotion, obviously upset as he is still trying to accept the fact that this is the alternative. He had been so sure that he could protect her to enough of an extent to keep her happy here.... but how could he protect her from something like that?]

[There was no way she could not notice the strain in his voice, the emotions behind those words even if she hadn't been able to sense them. He... Freyjadour genuinely cared, didn't he? What would he have done, if she had told him the circumstances of her blindness from the start?

Already that casual air she had collected, the one that so often came when she found herself having to cope with her condition is ebbing away in favor of the very real fear she has about some day becoming like that. She didn't want to be apart from the world around her, or the people in it, but it was so hard to forgive those that had caused so much pain in her life. It was just as hard to wake up every morning and realize that she was still blind, and it could become worse.

Is it any surprise how close she is to tears again?] I-I just... I have to start forgiving again, but...

[He notices the tears, carefully pulling her into a hug once more. She needed it.

How in the world did she live with it....? The knowledge that you had to either fade away into nothingness or learn to forgive such crimes against her, crimes done only because she existed, from what he had heard? How had it come to happen? What kind of psychopath would.....

It was cruel. He doesn't say anything, unsure of what sort of words can even help.]

[And Kaori allows to be held, clinging to Frey in return. He really was too good to her, comforting her when it was fairly obvious that she would have had to have done terrible things in order to warrant such a curse. But she didn't want to see him sad either, not so much on her behalf.

Maybe... maybe what she had next would lift his spirits a little; she knew it had done so with her when she first began to notice it.] Freyjadour? Sometimes... sometimes I think the dark isn't as strong as it's supposed to be...

Do you think your sight is returning....? [There's hope in his voice, for two reasons: The first is obvious, she could be regaining her sight. She wouldn't have to fear the dark anymore, she would be able to see others and colors and everything she had been denied by all of this.

It would also mean she wasn't losing trust... she was gaining it. Gaining trust meant less of a chance it could come to losing another sense, or awareness entirely.]

I really hope so... [So much that it's spilling into her own voice without her even realizing it, though at the same time she was afraid. How many more terrible things would she remember before that happened, and would it begin to make her lose faith again? Seirou hadn't been very clear on that, much to her current frustration.

And was it really okay to be trusting those that hurt her in the first place? That was almost like asking to be taken advantage of again. Masaomi, Silver, Marcell, all those decent Humans... And Freyjadour the most. They hadn't physcially hurt her yet, but she couldn't stop herself from thinking that they someday would.]

I hope so, too.... [He's realizing the same thing, really.... what if what she remembered was damaging to her recovery? She seemed to have forgotten terrible things, rather then happy memories, from what she had described.

And.... there was the problem of Mithos. Mithos, who would like nothing more then for Kaori to never trust a human again. Mithos, whom she cared for and who had hurt her but who she obviously still needed.

it was as if the odds had been stacked against her....]

[They really did seem that way, but obviously a part of her still wanted to try. Even though five years have passed, dealing with the blindness past the first day had hardly become much easier than it had been then, other that she can navigate by herself to a degree and was able to take care of herself with the most basic skills if it was really needed. Every time she realized that, she became as frightened as she feels now, forcing her to pull away from Frey so that she can sit down on her bed to try to keep herself from collapsing due to the sheer weight of it all.

It was terribly lonely, knowing all this yet being sometimes preferring to stay blind just because it felt so much easier. But ever since Mithos had left their house all those weeks ago, she had found herself unbelievably lost and with nowhere to turn.]

[He follows her, taking a seat next to her on the bed as he carefully watches her body language.

She looked exhausted. Scared.]

No matter if you get better or worse.... I want to try to protect you somehow. To help you.

... But why? [A genuine question asked out of genuine confusion. She's not stupid, she knows she's done terrible things to Frey in the time they've known each other from forcing a promise onto him to causing him injury, there was no doubt that she had been a terrible person. And it wasn't that long ago that she would have forsaken him for Mithos.

What had she done to uphold that end of their promise, when it comes down to it? Nothing really, just simply taken advantage of his kindness whenever it was convenient. The worst kind of person.]

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