seiriald | Appointments Post

[Something cold settles in his stomach at the statement that it can get worse.

How much worse? A loss of another sense? More memories? or....] .....What do you mean?

I'm not sure... [From what she had been told, it could vary greatly from person to person, but to be cursed in such a way was so rare... And in the end, they all wound up in the same state.]

... I could lose my voice next, or use of my legs... Everything will go away until I'm not aware anymore, or something like that.

[That coldness in his stomach-dread, he realizes- grows at how casually she speaks of such a thing.

She was implying something like death, wasn't she? No, worse... a living death, one without awareness of the world around you. It was one of those moments she'd managed to terrify him. no, not Kaori. Her circumstances. He was scared for her, not of her.]

Are you telling me that if you lose trust in humans more then you already have, that this kind of thing can happen?

That's what will happen. [It wasn't even a question of 'if,' said with absolute certainty. Seirou had never lied to her after all, and she had been through the Sorrows herself before. She knew exactly what would become of her if that hate continued.]

Isn't there any way to stop it? [His voice is slightly strained with emotion, obviously upset as he is still trying to accept the fact that this is the alternative. He had been so sure that he could protect her to enough of an extent to keep her happy here.... but how could he protect her from something like that?]

[There was no way she could not notice the strain in his voice, the emotions behind those words even if she hadn't been able to sense them. He... Freyjadour genuinely cared, didn't he? What would he have done, if she had told him the circumstances of her blindness from the start?

Already that casual air she had collected, the one that so often came when she found herself having to cope with her condition is ebbing away in favor of the very real fear she has about some day becoming like that. She didn't want to be apart from the world around her, or the people in it, but it was so hard to forgive those that had caused so much pain in her life. It was just as hard to wake up every morning and realize that she was still blind, and it could become worse.

Is it any surprise how close she is to tears again?] I-I just... I have to start forgiving again, but...

[He notices the tears, carefully pulling her into a hug once more. She needed it.

How in the world did she live with it....? The knowledge that you had to either fade away into nothingness or learn to forgive such crimes against her, crimes done only because she existed, from what he had heard? How had it come to happen? What kind of psychopath would.....

It was cruel. He doesn't say anything, unsure of what sort of words can even help.]

[And Kaori allows to be held, clinging to Frey in return. He really was too good to her, comforting her when it was fairly obvious that she would have had to have done terrible things in order to warrant such a curse. But she didn't want to see him sad either, not so much on her behalf.

Maybe... maybe what she had next would lift his spirits a little; she knew it had done so with her when she first began to notice it.] Freyjadour? Sometimes... sometimes I think the dark isn't as strong as it's supposed to be...

Do you think your sight is returning....? [There's hope in his voice, for two reasons: The first is obvious, she could be regaining her sight. She wouldn't have to fear the dark anymore, she would be able to see others and colors and everything she had been denied by all of this.

It would also mean she wasn't losing trust... she was gaining it. Gaining trust meant less of a chance it could come to losing another sense, or awareness entirely.]

I really hope so... [So much that it's spilling into her own voice without her even realizing it, though at the same time she was afraid. How many more terrible things would she remember before that happened, and would it begin to make her lose faith again? Seirou hadn't been very clear on that, much to her current frustration.

And was it really okay to be trusting those that hurt her in the first place? That was almost like asking to be taken advantage of again. Masaomi, Silver, Marcell, all those decent Humans... And Freyjadour the most. They hadn't physcially hurt her yet, but she couldn't stop herself from thinking that they someday would.]

I hope so, too.... [He's realizing the same thing, really.... what if what she remembered was damaging to her recovery? She seemed to have forgotten terrible things, rather then happy memories, from what she had described.

And.... there was the problem of Mithos. Mithos, who would like nothing more then for Kaori to never trust a human again. Mithos, whom she cared for and who had hurt her but who she obviously still needed.

it was as if the odds had been stacked against her....]

[They really did seem that way, but obviously a part of her still wanted to try. Even though five years have passed, dealing with the blindness past the first day had hardly become much easier than it had been then, other that she can navigate by herself to a degree and was able to take care of herself with the most basic skills if it was really needed. Every time she realized that, she became as frightened as she feels now, forcing her to pull away from Frey so that she can sit down on her bed to try to keep herself from collapsing due to the sheer weight of it all.

It was terribly lonely, knowing all this yet being sometimes preferring to stay blind just because it felt so much easier. But ever since Mithos had left their house all those weeks ago, she had found herself unbelievably lost and with nowhere to turn.]

[He follows her, taking a seat next to her on the bed as he carefully watches her body language.

She looked exhausted. Scared.]

No matter if you get better or worse.... I want to try to protect you somehow. To help you.

... But why? [A genuine question asked out of genuine confusion. She's not stupid, she knows she's done terrible things to Frey in the time they've known each other from forcing a promise onto him to causing him injury, there was no doubt that she had been a terrible person. And it wasn't that long ago that she would have forsaken him for Mithos.

What had she done to uphold that end of their promise, when it comes down to it? Nothing really, just simply taken advantage of his kindness whenever it was convenient. The worst kind of person.]

Why.....?

To be honest... I guess it was the promise at first. It meant something, true, but it had been a last ditch effort to save the life of a friend after an experiment gone horribly wrong. But it became more then that quickly enough. You are someone I want to take care of, to see happy. You deserve a chance at happiness here.

Isn't that enough?

[Her mind wants to argue that no, it was not enough to warrant her the same chance at a happy life as anyone else. He didn't know what she had done, Kaori herself didn't even know what it was that she had done. But at the rate things were going, it wouldn't be long before she found out, wouldn't it?

And what he had said, it had been the same thing he had said, in those letters that were sent and read to her. Were they both just that stupid, or could they see something that she couldn't...?

Either way, that didn't change the fact that she had heard it again from someone who genuinely believed it. How she wished she could still think that way, or just be a small girl and recognize the truth for what it was. Frey cared about her, and that wasn't going to change anytime soon, was it?]

... Stupid. [But the lack of bitterness in her voice and the threat of tears again suggested otherwise.]

...Hey... I'm not stupid. [There's no anger in his voice, though, only softness. He understood, a little, that she didn't consider herself worth it.... but he did.

It was a matter of perspective and raising, he supposed.

Reaching over, he just ruffles her hair a bit. Don't cry.]

[No, she won't cry again, she's already spilled too many tonight and if it continued, she didn't know when she would ever be able to stop. Instead she finds her body curling against Frey's side instinctively, shivering not only from cold but from how overwhelming it all still was. Rather than fighting this natural instinct to seek comfort and company as she usually did, she'll just let it all go right now. Just for tonight.

While the loneliness will never truly go away here, with no others of her kind nearby, to know that there was still someone who wanted her... it was enough, as stupid as he may be.] E'thaji is stupid...

Am not.... [He's smiling now, though, and he leans back to allow her a more comfortable position. He's already decided he won't leave her tonight.... if he knew her right, she would probably have nightmares if he did. He'd stay in hopes of keeping them away and allowing her some rest he was sure she needed.

Sure, it was a bit of an awkward situation in the beginning, but he' had gotten used to it by now.]

You should sleep, though. It's late.

[And then the fear began to rise up again, thinking about just how many nightmares would try to destroy her in her sleep tonight now that she had remembered something new. While she could never recall them when she woke up, she had noticed before that they were always worse whenever she managed to recover a new memory in the same way she had tonight. Her body stiffens, leaning into him all the more out of wanting to escape those inevitable terrors.

Would he really stay with her, if she asked? Or perhaps she wouldn't even have to, since he had already proven that he knew her better than she had ever thought he would. This was stupid really, she was fifteen. The age of adulthood, of starting families of your own. How could she still behave like such a child?

But she can't stand to be alone in a life she hardly remembers enough of.] I don't want to be alone...

I already planned to stay, don't worry. [He ruffles her hair once more, trying to cheer her up a bit. Sure, it might be a bit more awkward now that they don't share a room, but far be it from him to deny her a healthy night's sleep after who knows how long without it.

While normally he would be insistent she sleep alone at her age, he had long ago realized she didn't act, or even seem, her proper age. It might just be a cultural thing, or even her lack of memories. He wasn't sure, but he would give her the time she needed to get over it.]

[... He had planned to stay anyway. This truth somehow is enough to ease her heart and mind of the ever-looming fear, and she can't help giving a small, albeit still timid smile. Somewhere in the back of her mind she was tempted to tell him that it would just be best to leave her to deal with all this by herself, but they had entered this conversation tonight because they had allowed that to happen. It... probably wouldn't be best to repeat that again, at least not so soon.

Now that she knows that he won't leave, she finds herself becoming very tired and sleepy. There was no doubt that her body was finally beginning to succumb to the emotional turmoil... Perhaps she would become ill soon, but for now she simply leans on Frey, trying to not fall asleep so quickly.] ... E'thaji?

[He allows her to lean, laying back so as to get more comfortable and tucking the blankets around her to keep her warm.]

Yes....?

... Will Lymsleia be okay? [It's not that she actually cares much about her right now, but she's not ignorant of the fact that Frey's happiness will closely tie in with hers. It... made her jealous, but she can't force herself into them like they really were normal siblings, at least not yet. It already felt intrusive enough as it was.]

.....It might be difficult at first, but I know she will come to accept you. We have many people back home we consider akin to family... There is no reason it cannot be the same with time here. [He sighs, tucking the blankets around them both as he lays back, his tone pensive.] My worry is that I am uncertain if she fully understands that I have been here so long, or our situation. She has only escaped one prison... and now she is here, unable to escape.

Just remember, she is young. And we have both lost a lot in recent times. Her more recent then I. It might help, to have someone to talk to.

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