seiriald | Appointments Post

... Because I couldn't properly remember my second until right now. [And it makes her cling to Frey again out of fear, trying to banish the image of all the blood from her mind, squeezing her eyes shut as though she could make it disappear into the darkness she was constantly forced to live in.

It was a terrible way to finally start remembering him properly. Even though she treated him with such hostility... he had been her father until the very end.]

Until..... right now? You are remembering things? [He holds her tight, petting her hair, but the widening of his eyes at that statement and confusion in his voice is clear, at least the latter should be.]

[His only confirmation to that question at first is a mute nod as she continues to try to do away with the bloody memory, trying to not cry again. Funny, she had forgotten what he had looked like exactly...]

... He was taken away... [In the worst way possible, the same way her first father was. Except she was fortunate enough to never have to see his dead body.]

Taken.....? [But.... if she was remembering right now, what was triggering it? Had he said something that would trigger a memory?]

.....I'm so sorry, Kaori.

... He said the same thing you did, y'know? Right before they came for us. [Almost word for word, taking his hand gently in hers after waking up from a terrible nightmare involving who knew what. He had left the lamp light on afterward, hadn't he? Because he knew she was scared of the dark. She hadn't thought he'd cared enough to notice, and obviously she had been wrong.]

... your blood is red too, isn't it...?

I see...... [So that's why... a chance coincidence of words, shortly before a traumatic moment. He understood, a bit, how that worked.]

It is. [As much as he would like to... he couldn't promise her he wouldn't die someday. He couldn't tell the future, after all, and saying such a thing would be a lie.]

[Kaori wouldn't hold him to make a promise of that caliber, especially when he couldn't control the people around them. It was one of the most foolish things to say back home, and if he did say it she felt she would grow angry with him, before becoming terrified for him. Somehow the idea that he would try to make a vow like that made her all the more desperate to keep him nearby.]

I'm sorry... [Why did she keep apologizing out loud, when it was obvious he didn't want her to? She should just suck it up and keep it all to herself like she usually did.]

I can tell you, though... I am fairly strong for my age, and I don't plan to risk my life needlessly. [Not unless someone he cared for was in danger. But Kaori knew that well enough.]

So please, don't worry too much?

... But that's like me telling you the same, isn't it? [It wasn't that she doubted him, but did he honestly think that asking her not to worry about him would produce any results? If anything it only gave her that much more reason to worry.]

I know..... I guess words do not really solve that kind of thing. [His expression drops a bit.]

Edited 2012-02-25 08:45 (UTC)

[Words may not be able to help much for this, but actions certainly could. It's why she finds herself clinging to him again, attempting to say that... she at least trusted him enough to do his best to ever avoid that situation. And if it ever did come to that, she would be his shield.

Frey was no ordinary Human, and those Humans like him were always the first to suffer for their kindness. For that reason she would always protect him, promise or no promise.]

[he didn't want Kaori to be his shield, honestly. That was the last thing he wanted of anyone he cared for, though he knew it was unavoidable back home.

He allows the clinging, once more hugging her. She would tell him what she wanted when she was ready.]

[It'll be another long while before she decides to speak again, albeit with fewer tears this time. There had already been too many spilled tonight as a result of her selfishness.]

Freyjadour...?

Yes, Kaori......? [He would prefer she shed none at all, really. The knowledge that he had caused those tears to appear was upsetting, but he quietly locked that feeling away.]

I... [She chews on her lip softly, debating over whether or not the share the following piece of information with him. It had crossed her mind before, but she hadn't thought much about it. It had always seemed so impossible that there would be a reason to believe the words her keeper had relayed to her when she had first become blind, and she hadn't remembered the exact conditions either.

But... there were some days when she could have sworn that the darkness wasn't as thick as it was supposed to be. Was it wrong to hope?] ... There's a way for me to see again, someday...

[His eyes widen a bit, as he tries to wrap his head around the idea..... Her blindness can be.... cured.....?

He knew it wasn't a problem she had from birth.... she had been able to see when the Malnosso had made her younger. But to be able to restore her sight.....?

It was like the potential for a miracle.] How.....?

[From here on, she doesn't know how to explain it. Though to be more accurate, it would be frightening to. After all, she had done terrible enough things to warrant this curse in the first place, and the more memories that returned to her... the less she wanted to know.

Words are failing her, like they often had before in her life. If only there were a way she could explain this to him without having to resort to them, but for the time being they are her only allies, and even more so her enemies.]

... I have to believe again... That there are more Humans like you. That... [She could one day force down her hatred for all the ugly things they had done to her and the people she had loved.] I have to forgive them and love them for all the things they've done anyway, like when I was little and didn't know any better. Do you know how hard that is when all I remember from them is red blood and hate? That's from what I do remember.

[There's a long pause as he absorbs her words, trying to grasp the magnitude of what she would have to do.

He wasn't foolish. He knew that kind of pain made trust difficult. The kind of cruelty she had hinted her world treated people like her with.... it was sickening. Horrifying. If he had any choice in the matter, he had long ago decided he had wanted to take her home with him, rather then let her return to such a place.

But....]

I understand, to a degree. I don't know what it was like for you, so i cannot say I understand completely but... Such an act... to forgive such things.... it is difficult.

But I don't think it beyond you. You are a person who deserves happiness, and I think maybe, if you let the past rest, forgive but not forget... I think maybe you could be happier, here. It doesn't make what they did right, certainly. It never will. but not every human is cruel like those of your world, either. Especially in a place like Luceti.

[He's not sure if his words will help, or simply sound childish... but that is what he feels.]

[At the very least he understood how nearly impossible it was to reach those requirements, and why she may have never mentioned it before. But hearing that she was someone who deserved happiness... that was something new, at least from a Human. She may not be able to argue that life in Luceti was 'easier' than back home, what use would it be if she forgot it all when she returned? It would be back to the exact same way it had been before she was brought here.]

... It can also get worse... beyond blindness...

[Something cold settles in his stomach at the statement that it can get worse.

How much worse? A loss of another sense? More memories? or....] .....What do you mean?

I'm not sure... [From what she had been told, it could vary greatly from person to person, but to be cursed in such a way was so rare... And in the end, they all wound up in the same state.]

... I could lose my voice next, or use of my legs... Everything will go away until I'm not aware anymore, or something like that.

[That coldness in his stomach-dread, he realizes- grows at how casually she speaks of such a thing.

She was implying something like death, wasn't she? No, worse... a living death, one without awareness of the world around you. It was one of those moments she'd managed to terrify him. no, not Kaori. Her circumstances. He was scared for her, not of her.]

Are you telling me that if you lose trust in humans more then you already have, that this kind of thing can happen?

That's what will happen. [It wasn't even a question of 'if,' said with absolute certainty. Seirou had never lied to her after all, and she had been through the Sorrows herself before. She knew exactly what would become of her if that hate continued.]

Isn't there any way to stop it? [His voice is slightly strained with emotion, obviously upset as he is still trying to accept the fact that this is the alternative. He had been so sure that he could protect her to enough of an extent to keep her happy here.... but how could he protect her from something like that?]

[There was no way she could not notice the strain in his voice, the emotions behind those words even if she hadn't been able to sense them. He... Freyjadour genuinely cared, didn't he? What would he have done, if she had told him the circumstances of her blindness from the start?

Already that casual air she had collected, the one that so often came when she found herself having to cope with her condition is ebbing away in favor of the very real fear she has about some day becoming like that. She didn't want to be apart from the world around her, or the people in it, but it was so hard to forgive those that had caused so much pain in her life. It was just as hard to wake up every morning and realize that she was still blind, and it could become worse.

Is it any surprise how close she is to tears again?] I-I just... I have to start forgiving again, but...

[Febuary 20th - Evening]

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