seiriald | Appointments Post

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Appointments Post

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[Action, January 3rd]
[Voice, March 8th]
[Written, June 11th]

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[Better than he was when he woke up. Better than when he came back to his house, wished he had stayed with Sayo longer, and collapsed all over again. All traces of tears have been erased from his voice, and she won't be able to see the angry swelling beneath his eyes.]

...Yeah. I know what you mean. [a pause, then quietly:] Were you...taken to another world last week too?

... I went back home, Mithos. Except it's not home, it was just the world I was in last. [If she had returned to Anatolia she would have been in an unstoppable rage, and though she isn't aware of it she would not have remembered the visit at all, thanks to Seirou's mechanisms. All she would remember would be the intense fear and anger that was associated with the world of her birth.]

But I still don't like that there's so many Humans there.

[...She'd been to her world. Her world where she was hated for something she never chose and humans had hurt her over and over again--]

Were you safe? You didn't get hurt, did you? [--she wasn't there alone.] ...Who came with you?

No, I didn't get hurt. I didn't have to interact with a lot of people while I was there. [It was such a relief to be able to admit to that truthfully, she would hate to imagine what Mithos' reaction would be if she had not been so fortunate while she had been there.

Except that last question doesn't do much for the sense of anxiety she has been feeling.] ... Freyjadour came with me.

[Relief slowly seeps in as he hears her confirm that she's alright, but his words - that's good - quickly evaporate on his tongue. Freyjadour...she had been with Freyjadour, of all people. He tries not to let it bother him, he tries hard, but it isn't enough to restrain his suspicion and jealousy.]

...Oh. [He...wants to know what happened there, and at the same time he doesn't want to hear a word. He hates thinking about it at all.]

Edited 2012-04-23 05:09 (UTC)

... Mithos? [It doesn't take much to guess that the answer she had left him with was not something he had wanted to hear. But in her mind, it was better that she went with someone she could remotely trust than someone she barely knew, someone that she would have abandoned immediately to face Riosna on their own while she tried to sort through her own panic then.

But it didn't take away from the guilt of knowing that she had upset her friend.] I didn't agree to anything, I don't even know why the Malnosso chose to send me back.

[Surprisingly not-so-deep down, he knows that it's better that she was there with someone she trusted rather than a stranger, even if he himself couldn't trust Freyjadour. But he can't help but selfishly want to be the one who made sure she was alright while she was there.]

I know you didn't, Kaori. You didn't choose it... [he shakes his head, wanting to change the subject a little. Try to focus on the good.]

Edited 2012-04-25 04:45 (UTC)

I'm glad you were alright. [but she has said things could be better...]

Yeah... [She wasn't sure if she wanted to talk about it just yet, or how to even bring it up. Somehow, it felt strange to bring up that in the time she had returned home, she had met the young man she wold someday marry, and she still had to sort out her own feelings on the fact that the young man had been a Human.]

... What about you? Did you go...? [He couldn't return back home, she knew that, and it made her heart twist painfully to remember.]

[A morbid curiosity about what exactly happened during her short visit crackles quietly inside him, but if she doesn't want to talk about it...]

...I was with Sayo. [It's foreign to say her name, even more than usual, after spending another week thinking of her literally as his mother. After crying into her shoulder and feeling somehow at home in her embrace.]

[There are several moments of tense silence when she hears that. Even though she knows, or rather, thinks she has an idea of why Mithos would like her and choose to accept her company, the initial jealousy is still there. It's always pushed downward when she forces herself to remember that she has no right to take away something that made Mithos happy, even though it made her feel so uncertain.]

... Did she take care of you? Treat you okay?

[This isn't the first time he's wondered if she's jealous of Sayo in the same way he's jealous of Freyjadour. He isn't sure what to think of that. While he doesn't want her to be upset, it almost feels like a twisted kind of insurance. They're even with each other.]

She did. ...I was afraid she wouldn't remember who I am. Her memory problems are a lot better in Luceti because of the barrier, but back in her world... [he shakes his head. It didn't happen, so there's no point in worrying about it, right?]

She remembered, though, and she took me home with her.

... That's good. [She couldn't explain how exactly, but there was definitely a sense of deep sadness when she thinks of the possibility of being forgotten. Maybe it had to do with what Seirou had told her would happen if she continued to hurt people the way she had, whatever way that had been.

And what Mithos had said, about the barrier protecting her in a way... She didn't want to have something else in common with her.] Did... did you think you were born in her world, too?

[Silence. Softly inhale. Exhale.] ...I thought I was her son.

[A happy simple life. He hates being reminded of everything he doesn't have. Family bonds. He hates that something so sacred to him could be tampered with so easily. Even if she had said...]

... Do you want to be? [She wasn't asking that question out of spite, or because it hurt. The softness of her voice when she speaks it should be enough to communicate that it was a question she wanted a genuine answer for. In a way she could understand completely if he did.

After all, she had almost brought herself to believe that she was as important to Frey as a real sister before.]

[He can hear the softness, and in moments like these he can almost understand why Kaori is so drawn to Freyjadour, as much as he hates it.] I don't know... [yes] I...think I do.

...When we were in her world she told me she thinks of me like a son, but she already has a son. [And he has Martel. She raised him. But...he's never thought of her as anything but his sister, never having had any positive connotations to go with the word 'mother'. Sayo, though...]

... Yeah... [Freyjadour had said the same thing, not so long ago and yet so many times. There was the addition that Lymsleia was actually here, but he still said the same anyway. She could understand the confusion and jealousy Mithos must have all too well.]

What will you do? [What did you say? She wanted to know if Mithos had somehow found a way through those feelings yet, if there was anything he could do to help with her own.]

...I don't know. She'll always love her son, and I can't blame her for that. Family is important...I know that better than anyone.

But...

I can't help but feel like I matter less, when I know he's a part of her life too. [Even if Kaji isn't here, his presence in Sayo's heart is obvious enough by the extra dish of food at every meal.]

Exactly. [Why can't Freyjadour understand that sometimes, when she felt the urge to just leave the household? Yet again, Mithos was the only one who did understand her fears, exactly what she felt and what would sometimes keep her awake at night shivering in the inferiority that she felt would never go away.]

Why do we have to feel like this? [Wasn't it bad enough that they felt unwanted, only to suddenly be accepted by people who already had others in their lives?]

[He's silent for a moment. She understands. Of course she does, because she must be going through the same unrelenting tangle of feelings. He doesn't really care about you. He's just like every other human who will leave you behind in the end. He bites his bitterness back, swallows his jealousy. They're both working through this together, aren't they?]

It's...hard. [Not knowing what else to say, he'll fall back on what he does best: focus on himself.]

...When I was there with her, even though I felt out of place - because I looked different, with my hair and my eyes and the way I was dressed - I think...she tried to treat me the same. She didn't ignore me or leave me behind to spend time with him, even though she knew it might be a long time until she could see him again. [He doesn't know what that means - he's still working through it as he speaks - but it seems like an important piece of the puzzle to save.]

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