✿ Ninth Bud [strange scribbles/voice]

[seiriald]

[With a frustrated sigh, Kaori abandons the poor attempt at communication by scratching the surface of the pen across the whole page, eventually ripping it out. It was stupid to think that just because she was able to write perfectly fine a week ago, she would be able to for a while now that she was back to normal. Things didn't work that way.

So much for trying to be anonymous about this and avoiding talking to people more than she has to, but she still wanted answers to her question anyway. Pausing for a deep breath, she dives right in.]

Is anyone out there lucky enough to have their brother or sister here?

Comments

[action time]

[imatreenow.livejournal.com]

[He hadn't expected the question; he stares at her for a moment, considering. Happiness...such a distant memory, when hope was more than just a pretty word.]

...I think I was. Martel was with me... I believed in my companions; I never thought any of them would betray me. [especially not Kratos and Yuan. To think, he once held them in any light of respect, when his view of them now is tarnished beyond recognition.]

I really thought that people could change.

[action time]

[seiriald]

... I used to think that way a lot, too... [And to think that even these days, with people like Masaomi and Frey she still sometimes believed. Her inability to tell lies would not allow her to deny that there wasn't the thought that someday, they would either leave or betray her. But she wanted to believe them anyway.

Why was Mithos robbed of that? Why did he have to be?] I want you to be happy again...

[action time]

[imatreenow.livejournal.com]

[He shouldn't be so surprised by her words anymore, but he can't help it: he has to stop and take a good look at her. Amazed that someone like that truly exists in his life. A small warmth glows inside him, weakly holding off the bleak coldness at its edges.]

I'm...happier when I'm with you, Kaori... [happier, but there was always the underlying despair. It's a permanent part of him.]

[action time]

[seiriald]

[She may not be able to take away the underlying despair, but to hear that someone was happy to be around her... it was enough for now, she would just have to work harder so that the turmoil she relates so much to would hurt less. Maybe it could happen someday.]

Then I'll always be here for you, Mithos. Always.

[action time] 1/2

[imatreenow.livejournal.com]

[...He smiles, for what feels like the first time in a long while. A real smile, despite the pain. She takes away some of it at least.]

That means a lot to me. [more than he knows how to say] I'm so happy I could meet you, and be with you here.

[action time]

[imatreenow.livejournal.com]

[then the smile fades into a much sadder one, a paper width from breaking into a frown.] ...You're the only one. You're...all I have.

[No, it's already cracked. His shoulder hunch.] Even...even Martel can't... [be there for me. understand. This is the point where his heart plummets off a cliff and into a pool of icy water]

[action time]

[seiriald]

[He doesn't even have to say anything; that fleeting moment of happiness she felt from him just now, she wants to retrieve it for him again even though right now it wasn't possible. It hurt so much, but it was better that she allow him to express his grief; it wouldn't only hurt more if he didn't.

Without a word she reaches over and wraps her arms around him. Not too tightly, softly really, but still with enough effort to try to comfort him in the only way she knows how to right now.]

[action time]

[imatreenow.livejournal.com]

[He leans into the embrace, bringing a hand up to gently hold onto her arm as it crosses his body.]

...Even Martel doesn't understand...did you know that? [almost a whisper. He can still hardly believe it - the idea is that much of a shock to his system. His voice is distant as he struggles to stay in the present, where Kaori is and she's holding him. His memories of that day claw into him, dragging him back. He can't fight against it; the pain splits open inside him. The feeling that even his sister had rejected him and turned away...he wants to cry.]

[action time]

[seiriald]

She...? [But why wouldn't she? Surely someone who knows Mithos and loves him so much should be able to understand why. Kaori herself had long accepted that her brother rejected her ideals, but that was because their circumstances were different: he was full-blooded, she wasn't. But Martel had been there with Mithos, hadn't she?

She couldn't understand, and realizing this now she can only begin to imagine how her friend must feel. While she may be able to feel his emotions, she did not have the terrible memories to accompany them. Her arms tighten around him, trying to will some of those emotions into herself so he wouldn't have to suffer alone.]

[action time]

[imatreenow.livejournal.com]

[Somewhere underneath the turbulent sorrow and confusion, he's grateful for the warmth of her arms around him.] She told me that...I was wrong, to want to return her from death. That I shouldn't have done what I did to try to eliminate discrimination. But what was I supposed to do? [his voice cracks, on the verge of tears] I needed her so badly... I...I didn't know what else to do, after she was taken away from me. I just wanted a world where we could live peacefully together.

[Like popping the cork off a bottle. Maybe his words are a little jumbled, but there's no time to sort his thoughts before they pour out. It doesn't matter. He just needs to tell her everything. But he forgot the second half of his story, the half that's most important. A pause, then an abrupt shift:]

We ended the war, Martel and I...along with Kratos and Yuan. With the world no longer on the path to destruction, the Great Seed - the source of mana, the world's lifeblood - could hope to germinate again. It was because of us. [here he actually tries to slow down, because this is all a lot of information at once...]