seiriald | ✿ Eleventh Bud [Action/Voice late morning]

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✿ Eleventh Bud [Action/Voice late morning]

[Things hadn't been easy the past few weeks; there had been ups and downs, much more of the latter than she would ever admit to. And as far as she could tell, it would not get better any time soon. At the very least, the weather was beginning to change even if she couldn't see it for herself. There was just something about the air of spring approaching that always managed to lift her spirits a little, and what better way to greet it than to start working on that neglected garden outside of House 11? Who cares how cold it is out, the plants are of higher priority.

It isn't until after an hour or so of working that her journal falls off her person and sprawls open in the dirt, making her frown upon hearing the familiar noise of it being activated. Taking to people probably wasn't a good idea right now, but she can try.]

… What are your favorite things about spring? Or… things you like the least about it I guess. Anything really.

[Later in the evening the residents of the large household might notice that she's managed to make her way to Silver's room instead of her own, though if anyone drops by the reason should be pretty obvious. You don't go through weeks of emotional whiplash and a day out in the cold dressed improperly without coming out unscathed.]

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Definitely. That's definitely good. I only had one person in my world that I could really talk to as well, but it was enough for me. I was always happy and content, when I was with him.

... Yeah, when you think of it like that, sometimes you only need one person. [There's another moment's pause, before she hesitantly says the following.]

Someone told me that in a letter, not long before I came here.

Oh...? It sounds like they understand the sentiment well.

For me, it's much harder to be lonely when you have someone you can put your faith and love in.

But it's a lot easier to love someone than to put all your faith in them, isn't it? After all, they all go away eventually... [Speaking from experience? Oh yes.]

Mmm, that's true, I think. But sometimes, people like to go after the harder things to hold onto, like faith.... Maybe it's not that important, but I hope that my friends and family have faith in me as I do in them.

And if they don't? What are you supposed to do then? [She can't help sounding just a little pleading here, like she wants for everything she knows to be wrong.]

[Hmm... That's a tough one...]

I suppose it depends on the circumstances... Each of them are so very different, aren't they? Personally, I'd try to gain their faith by being myself; faith isn't a simple subject, but as long as you're putting your own trust in someone, over time, they'll often become more capable of returning that faith.

I can't say it's always certain, but I can't think of many things in life that are.

... But even if you try to put your trust in them first, they always break it anyway. What's the point of even trying over and over again if it always stays the same? [Though that wasn't completely true... She'd put her faith in just a few people here, but that didn't make her any less terrified of being thrown out again.]

Has it truly been that way for you...? Even in a place like this?

I know it seems hopeless at times, but... there are good people here. People who will believe in you first, should you be afraid to have faith in them.

Edited 2012-04-03 11:04 (UTC)

[She knows that's true, but her mind and the fear within her still reject that notion despite the number of times she has been proven wrong.]

They haven't done it yet.

Let's see if it stays that way; you don't have to trust anyone yet, if you're not comfortable, but maybe you'll find that some people here can be faithful. And even if you never can bring yourself to put faith in people, I'm sure there are plenty here who would be happy to believe in you instead!

... I don't have to trust them? [That was... a first, somehow, and it definitely shows in her voice.]

Of course! It would be unfair and silly of anyone to tell you to feel something you don't feel. Trust is something that you make toward others; they have no control over that, even if they'd like you to. You should only put your trust people when you're good and ready to, not when someone else is.

... So why do so many people try anyway? [People saying what Sayo was right now... was so rare, she knows for a fact that she is guilty of the same thing.]

Try to tell you to feel something you don't, you mean?

Yeah, it's always what they think I should or shouldn't feel. No one ever just... listens, at least not without already having decided what they're going to tell me anyway. That's what it feels like.

I think maybe they're just trying really hard to be a trusted friend, they don't always realize these sorts of things are delicate and hard to put into words. Some of the people in Luceti can be hardheaded sometimes, so things they try to do to help... well, they don't always realize it's not helping.

Maybe... I just wish they did sometimes. [At least some people didn't do it as much as they did before, but had they not tried would she even be bothering to talk about this now?]

... Do you say these things to Mithos?

Mmm... I believe I've said similar things, yes. I would never want to force anyone to feel or do something they don't believe themselves; I'd rather just... be around for when people need me, if they do.

And he really does listen to you, doesn't he? [Or else he never would have allowed this woman near him, right? But what did she do that he would listen to her so easily?]

That means that he talks to you a lot, then. Or you just like people anyway?

That's right! We talk sometimes. I don't know if he listens to everything I say with how much I tend to babble, but I do hope I'm not awful company to keep for anybody. I like having people to talk to, so I wouldn't want to be a bother to anyone.

An if someone said that you bothered them? What o you do then? [Not that she's... necessarily being like that to Kaori, at least not yet, but she can't help but wonder if Mithos at one point had not made Sayo feel that way.]

What if someone started hating you even though you were only being nice to them?

Mm... I don't know what the 'right' way of doing things are, but I just kept being kind and tried to be helpful if they ever asked for help. I always thought the right thing to do is just be there and hope someday they won't hate you.

... It always hurts, to be hated by someone and not know what you've done wrong.

... It does. [She shouldn't admit it out loud, not on a public forum where anyone could hear, and especially not to someone she barely knew. Remembering that almost makes her clam up and want to shut the journal, but that would just be making her the same as those people who had been cruel, wouldn't it.]

... Maybe you should start offering free advice to people in the village or something.

Oh... free advice? I'd gladly give advice wherever anyone needed it, though I can't say I'm any good at it myself. I can be a bit airheaded about these kinds of things. I'm sure there are far more suitable people for things like that...

[Yeah her confidence only goes so far. 3:^|]

[Voice]

seiriald - 2012-05-11 06:37 (UTC) - Expand

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