seiriald | Appointments Post

[He knew her better than she thought, now that she hears him coming to that conclusion. Even her own twin failed to realize that sometimes, when she needed it most. But he was wrong, there was plenty to be sorry for and she doesn't know if she should continue to cling to him or start pulling away again.

Everything felt cold and out of focus, all of it was overwhelming. Frey most of all, because he actually seemed to be understanding what she needed to hear, despite her bitterness trying to shoot him down.] ... I'm sorry...

[He would tell her not to apologize again, but as he just did, she probably felt a need to do so. For what, he wasn't sure, but.....]

In the future, it might be a better idea for both of us to speak freely on our feelings. It might help us avoid these situations......

... Like equals? [That was what it sounded like he was saying, and for all their progress this simple concept, one that he could word so easily was still beyond her grasp. There were times when she could have sworn she had touched it, but... it would always slip away in the end.

Except she can't keep herself from feeling, and sounding hopeful beneath the tears. Was it wrong to want to know she was considered as such, but the Human who had somehow defied her usual perception of them?]

Of course. [It is a statement of fact, rather then anything else. Had he ever treated her as anything else?

In Frey's mind, she was every bit his equal as anyone else.]

... I'm sorry. [She can say it a little bit more strongly now, even though her throat is beginning to hurt from the fear and ongoing tears brought up by that horrifying memory. There was so much she wanted to say, but she didn't know how. Even back home this was an ongoing frustration between herself and her adopted relatives, where she didn't know how to express what she wanted.

And here Frey was giving her the opportunity. Where does she even begin?] B-but she needs you more, right...?

[And no matter what Frey said, it wouldn't change the fact that Lym is the real sister.]

It's not about who needs me more. Family doesn't work like that. You need me in different ways then Lymsleia does, and Lymsleia needs me in different ways then you do.

It's like.... hmm.... [he pauses for a moment, gathering his thoughts.] My parents. They didn't have to care for me as much as they did- I am a prince, afterall. Lymsleia was the heir to the throne, and after she was born she should have been their only concern. She would be the one everyone in our country looked to as queen, someday- It was their right to prioritize her over me.

But they didn't. They raised me as they always had, with love and kindness, giving me opportunities no one else even thought I deserved. They raised my sister and I as equally as possible, loving us both.

Lyon, too, was... a special case, I suppose. Father didn't have to take her in, but he did so, anyway. I guess what I am trying to say is, caring for people... family, close friends... they don't come with ranks of priority.

Am I making any sense?

[While most of these concepts were ones she couldn't fully comprehend – not because of how she felt about herself, but because of her lack of family experience – there is a small part of her that understands what he's trying to say. It was what was happening to a degree, back in her world, with her new adoptive family. It was only the ongoing crises that kept her and all of those others who had been adopted by the same man that kept them from becoming a proper family, from keeping them from accepting themselves from putting themselves in the same light as the blood daughters whom they all swore to protect with their lives.

But she could understand a little. It was better than nothing, right?] Like my last two fathers...?

Your last two fathers.....? You've never told me much about them.

[He was admittedly curious. She didn't speak much of home.... he didn't, either, really. But he knew her world was vastly different then his own.]

Edited 2012-02-24 08:43 (UTC)

... Because I couldn't properly remember my second until right now. [And it makes her cling to Frey again out of fear, trying to banish the image of all the blood from her mind, squeezing her eyes shut as though she could make it disappear into the darkness she was constantly forced to live in.

It was a terrible way to finally start remembering him properly. Even though she treated him with such hostility... he had been her father until the very end.]

Until..... right now? You are remembering things? [He holds her tight, petting her hair, but the widening of his eyes at that statement and confusion in his voice is clear, at least the latter should be.]

[His only confirmation to that question at first is a mute nod as she continues to try to do away with the bloody memory, trying to not cry again. Funny, she had forgotten what he had looked like exactly...]

... He was taken away... [In the worst way possible, the same way her first father was. Except she was fortunate enough to never have to see his dead body.]

Taken.....? [But.... if she was remembering right now, what was triggering it? Had he said something that would trigger a memory?]

.....I'm so sorry, Kaori.

... He said the same thing you did, y'know? Right before they came for us. [Almost word for word, taking his hand gently in hers after waking up from a terrible nightmare involving who knew what. He had left the lamp light on afterward, hadn't he? Because he knew she was scared of the dark. She hadn't thought he'd cared enough to notice, and obviously she had been wrong.]

... your blood is red too, isn't it...?

I see...... [So that's why... a chance coincidence of words, shortly before a traumatic moment. He understood, a bit, how that worked.]

It is. [As much as he would like to... he couldn't promise her he wouldn't die someday. He couldn't tell the future, after all, and saying such a thing would be a lie.]

[Kaori wouldn't hold him to make a promise of that caliber, especially when he couldn't control the people around them. It was one of the most foolish things to say back home, and if he did say it she felt she would grow angry with him, before becoming terrified for him. Somehow the idea that he would try to make a vow like that made her all the more desperate to keep him nearby.]

I'm sorry... [Why did she keep apologizing out loud, when it was obvious he didn't want her to? She should just suck it up and keep it all to herself like she usually did.]

I can tell you, though... I am fairly strong for my age, and I don't plan to risk my life needlessly. [Not unless someone he cared for was in danger. But Kaori knew that well enough.]

So please, don't worry too much?

... But that's like me telling you the same, isn't it? [It wasn't that she doubted him, but did he honestly think that asking her not to worry about him would produce any results? If anything it only gave her that much more reason to worry.]

I know..... I guess words do not really solve that kind of thing. [His expression drops a bit.]

Edited 2012-02-25 08:45 (UTC)

[Words may not be able to help much for this, but actions certainly could. It's why she finds herself clinging to him again, attempting to say that... she at least trusted him enough to do his best to ever avoid that situation. And if it ever did come to that, she would be his shield.

Frey was no ordinary Human, and those Humans like him were always the first to suffer for their kindness. For that reason she would always protect him, promise or no promise.]

[he didn't want Kaori to be his shield, honestly. That was the last thing he wanted of anyone he cared for, though he knew it was unavoidable back home.

He allows the clinging, once more hugging her. She would tell him what she wanted when she was ready.]

[It'll be another long while before she decides to speak again, albeit with fewer tears this time. There had already been too many spilled tonight as a result of her selfishness.]

Freyjadour...?

Yes, Kaori......? [He would prefer she shed none at all, really. The knowledge that he had caused those tears to appear was upsetting, but he quietly locked that feeling away.]

I... [She chews on her lip softly, debating over whether or not the share the following piece of information with him. It had crossed her mind before, but she hadn't thought much about it. It had always seemed so impossible that there would be a reason to believe the words her keeper had relayed to her when she had first become blind, and she hadn't remembered the exact conditions either.

But... there were some days when she could have sworn that the darkness wasn't as thick as it was supposed to be. Was it wrong to hope?] ... There's a way for me to see again, someday...

[His eyes widen a bit, as he tries to wrap his head around the idea..... Her blindness can be.... cured.....?

He knew it wasn't a problem she had from birth.... she had been able to see when the Malnosso had made her younger. But to be able to restore her sight.....?

It was like the potential for a miracle.] How.....?

[From here on, she doesn't know how to explain it. Though to be more accurate, it would be frightening to. After all, she had done terrible enough things to warrant this curse in the first place, and the more memories that returned to her... the less she wanted to know.

Words are failing her, like they often had before in her life. If only there were a way she could explain this to him without having to resort to them, but for the time being they are her only allies, and even more so her enemies.]

... I have to believe again... That there are more Humans like you. That... [She could one day force down her hatred for all the ugly things they had done to her and the people she had loved.] I have to forgive them and love them for all the things they've done anyway, like when I was little and didn't know any better. Do you know how hard that is when all I remember from them is red blood and hate? That's from what I do remember.

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