seiriald | Appointments Post

[Like she has been for the past two weeks Kaori finally comes inside rather late and shivering from facing all the wind of the day, the warmth of the house only emphasizing how cold it had been.

But when she enters her room she finds herself startled to sense Frey in there, stepping back instinctively while trying to process this. He was usually asleep by this hour, it was why she had been coming home so late...]

Kaori? [She looked cold..... at least, from the shivering he saw. The lights weren't on, so he couldn't see her face clearly, but the shaking and the step back made her feelings clear.

He stands, walking towards her.]

You look cold. Did you spend all day outside?

[She nods mutely, taking yet another step back out of instinct. She hadn't faced him properly for a long time in comparison to the past few months, and already she'd forgotten how to be properly comfortable around him.

Already she can guess why he was here waiting for her, but... she wasn't ready. She didn't know when she would be ready, and it made it so that she didn't want to have to face it. Leave Frey to his real sister and fade away into the background again, just like she had planned to the first time she came. Why was he making it hard?]

.......Kaori.... please. [he can tell she wanted to flee..... and it saddened him. It hurt to think giving her space this long in hopes she would come around had done this, and he hated to think he might have damaged their relationship so badly in such a short amount of time.]

I want.... no, we need to talk.

['Need'... so she had no choice but to stay here and listen. So stay she does, rather than backing out of the room completely and leaving him there. Turning her sightless gaze downward, she clasps her hands in front of her tightly while awaiting whatever it was he wanted to say. She refused to be the first to speak.]

[......Well... this was going to be awkward, wasn't it?

He might as well lay it out on the table-] You have been avoiding me.

It is because of Lymsleia, isn't it?

[Well there is no point to denying the truth, but trying to summon forth words was next to impossible right now. Instead her body confirms that answer when her hands tighten around each other, both shivering and tensing up at once. There's a moment when it seems as though she may speak, when she has to swallow in order to try to do away with the way her throat was closing in on itself, however words still fail to be summoned.]

I have been waiting for you to adjust to her being here, which is why I haven't addressed your avoidance of me sooner. But...

.....Lymsleia being here won't change anything. You are still my little sister. Both of you are. If it's a problem with her, we can talk about it with her, but....

I am not going to abandon you just because she's here. It was almost a year ago, when I made that promise... in all that time you have never been a replacement.

[She would like to believe that, she really would, but... would those words still hold true, in the event that he would have to choose between the two of them? She didn't think they would – Freyjadour was naive in that aspect. Or perhaps she was just too bitter and accustomed to being left behind in favour of someone else, someone who would always matter more than she ever could. Either way, he could say those words, but she couldn't wholeheartedly believe them. Not yet, at least.

It wasn't helped by the fact that speaking with Lymsleia had only left her with a growing sense of insecurity that she didn't really know Frey at all. She had said and mentioned things that he had never brought up, and it had caught her off guard.

But the mention of their promise does that also, and she can't help tearing up as she thought about it. It had really been a year since then? A year, and he was still here...? She can't keep herself from clinging to that small piece of truth among everything he said, something small and precious in a life that has left her to dwell alone in the unending darkness for so long. How could he still be here?]

[....Was she.... crying?

He steps forward once more, wanting to comfort her but not wanting to force comfort on her. He would never... ever, consciously force anything upon her. He had always kept that in mind, given how this all started.]

I want to make this work, Kaori.... I don't want to lose you. It might take some work to explain it to Lymsleia and help her understand, but I want us all to stick together.

Adopted or not, you have become family and I won't ever willingly abandon you.

I won't make that mistake again. [He had lost so much of his family, now. He didn't want to give up this, borne from experiment induced promises or not.]

[... Someone had said those words before, not so long ago. Someone who had also stepped forward to attempt to comfort as she shook violently, just like she is now. And several days later, she saw the white coat of that man riddled with blood as she was overtaken with that familiar feeling of helplessness.

What had been that man's name...? A friend of her mother's, someone who took care of her despite all the ugly things she said and did to him. Someone who loved her anyway. Someone who had also been Human.

Keryl.]

A-ah... [Did that mean... that Freyjadour would also be riddled with blood one day, because of her? That thought, more than that of being replaced is what is causing the tears to fall in earnest right now while she shook more violently than just moments before. That's right, Human blood when spilled was bright red... And she didn't want to lose Frey, never, and her body knows this as she blindly finds herself reaching out for him, desperate to cling to him and not let go/] Ah...!

Kaori?! [Panic takes over as she reaches out, and he pulls her into a hug immediately. What was happening? She sounded like she was in pain, of all things......

What had he done? He knew she was upset, but...]

Kaori....?

Edited 2012-02-21 11:50 (UTC)

[For all it's worth, Frey's hold is enough to make her start calming down a little even though she's still shivering violently, trying to keep herself quiet as those images of a bloody body entered her mind, hovered over by the dark figures who had just killed him. This... it had to be one of those things her brother had told her she would be better off not remembering, especially with the way she felt her throat constrict in such a manner that breathing was becoming difficult.

It hurt. It hurt and it could happen to Frey, to the big brother who she still cared for most in this village despite what had happened since Lymsleia arrived. She didn't want him to leave, and now her body is clinging to him as though somehow the memory and that possiblity would become less real the tighter she hung on.]

[He continues to hold her, reaching up to pet her hair in what he hopes is a soothing manner.

He's not sure what's going on, but she was shaking..... and she was clinging to him like she didn't want to let go, so he wouldn't.]

I'm not going anywhere, Kaori......

[That damned voice in the back of her head is telling her that he's lying, not because she doubted him but because there were so many factors outside of her control that could rip him away again, especially with the fact that it had already happened once before. The truth frightened her so much she felt she was going to be sick. Just collapse onto her knees and not be able to stand up again.

She could lose him at any time, and here she was avoiding him. That they had grown apart was her fault, all her fault and she was the only one to blame. Always the blame would fall on her. She could lose him, have him fade away very much like the voice she tried to draw upon, cracked and barely a whisper from neglect.] E-e'thaji...!

[He tries to make soothing noises, humming softly a tune he had sung to her when she had been small. She felt like she was going to fall apart in his arms, and it... frightened him, really.

Was this really what she had been bottling up inside? What had he done to her, by putting off talking to her?]

[The tune, at least, was helping to calm her down. The way he was handling her now, it felt like it was okay to cry, like it was okay to be scared and not want to let go. Being held this way made it feel like it really was okay to feel and be small, and have a tiny part of herself hope that the dark she was so scared of would go away once the song was finished.

She was still being quiet about it, but her shoulders continue to shake and her hands continue to hold on to him. If that was what one memory had been like, she didn't want to get the others back. She doesn't want to know what else could possibly happen to Frey solely because he had had the misfortune of becoming part of her life.]

[If he knew the thoughts she was thinking, he would have a lot more to say, but for now he continues to hum that song he had heard Rania play once a long time ago... or maybe not so long ago. Time had been strange, memories displaced, ever since he returned. It felt like he had been here so long and yet so short a time....

So he simply continues to hold her, humming that song, and focusing on the here and now.]

[It's quite a while before Kaori is able to do anything different from the violent shaking, still making the occasional strangled noise as she struggled to find something to say or even do. She wasn't sure of what she was supposed to be doing, or if she should have clung to him in the first place. There was nothing she could do to change the fact that she did.]

I'm sorry... [For being an idiot, for burdening him, for not just leaving while she had the chance. That she was crying and was weak and needed him now. She was sorry for simply existing here.]

[When she speaks, he stops humming, smiling sadly.] What are you apologizing for? There is nothing to be sorry about.

This is my fault. I should have spoken to you sooner.... I just thought you needed time, but what you wanted was reassurance, right? I am sorry for that.

Edited 2012-02-23 07:35 (UTC)

[He knew her better than she thought, now that she hears him coming to that conclusion. Even her own twin failed to realize that sometimes, when she needed it most. But he was wrong, there was plenty to be sorry for and she doesn't know if she should continue to cling to him or start pulling away again.

Everything felt cold and out of focus, all of it was overwhelming. Frey most of all, because he actually seemed to be understanding what she needed to hear, despite her bitterness trying to shoot him down.] ... I'm sorry...

[He would tell her not to apologize again, but as he just did, she probably felt a need to do so. For what, he wasn't sure, but.....]

In the future, it might be a better idea for both of us to speak freely on our feelings. It might help us avoid these situations......

... Like equals? [That was what it sounded like he was saying, and for all their progress this simple concept, one that he could word so easily was still beyond her grasp. There were times when she could have sworn she had touched it, but... it would always slip away in the end.

Except she can't keep herself from feeling, and sounding hopeful beneath the tears. Was it wrong to want to know she was considered as such, but the Human who had somehow defied her usual perception of them?]

Of course. [It is a statement of fact, rather then anything else. Had he ever treated her as anything else?

In Frey's mind, she was every bit his equal as anyone else.]

... I'm sorry. [She can say it a little bit more strongly now, even though her throat is beginning to hurt from the fear and ongoing tears brought up by that horrifying memory. There was so much she wanted to say, but she didn't know how. Even back home this was an ongoing frustration between herself and her adopted relatives, where she didn't know how to express what she wanted.

And here Frey was giving her the opportunity. Where does she even begin?] B-but she needs you more, right...?

[And no matter what Frey said, it wouldn't change the fact that Lym is the real sister.]

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